Makoto
by Moonraven
Summary: Series of short stories focusing on the relationship of Hijikata and Souji as I see them on PMK. Definitely slash and chapter rating will range from PG to R. Posting in random order.
1. Reflection

**Author's notes and warnings:** I guess I started this story because there are missing pieces in the story dealing with the relationship between Hijikata and Okita. Yes, I know, historical notes say they are like brothers, but YOU try saying that after you've seen PMK. So, the entire series – it won't be a long one - will follow the PMK storyline, but will end with the death of Hijikata in 1869, while PMK ends with the Ikeda-ya affairs in 1864. And of course, there is the challenge of writing what has to be a truly agonizing situation for Souji – capturing Yamanami and returning him to Hijikata. ::cries:: The poor boy!!! Okay, so, he was about 21… still… he knew what awaited Yamanami - Seppuku, no da!!!!

Setting for this chapter: End of episode one, after the incident by the river, where Hijikata slaughtered all those men who were out to kill him. Hijikata was a known womanizer… I could only guess at what Souji must be feeling when dealing with this fact, ne?

The title of the story, Makoto, means sincerity - or total devotion, in some translations. It was the first slogan adopted by Isami Kondou and his men for their group.

Further warning: Um… I'm pretty sure that if you're an Okita fan, you know that he died of Tuberculosis is 1868. So yeah… the story contains character death. And, didn't I mention Yamanami and Hijikata in the first paragraph? Yeah… them too. ::bawls my eyes out::

Special thanks goes to Nauta Iupiter, who graciously betaed this chapter. ::big hug::

**

* * *

****Makoto - Reflection **

by Moonraven

After dismissing his men, Hijikata stripped down to his waist, allowing the top part of his yukata to hang carelessly from the sash around his middle. It was late, but there was no helping it; no matter how many people he'd killed, there would always be too much blood.

He drew fresh water from the well that was in the courtyard of the compound and poured that into the wooden basin. Hijikata watched dispassionately as the reflection of the night sky wavered on the surface of the water. He poured more water in, distorting the image and couldn't help thinking how life was always changing... just like the reflection... yet it was always the same.

Tonight had not been any different. For all the good they were supposed to be doing, people still hated them... feared them... and were still trying to stop them. Different people, different faces, different groups, but they were ultimately the same.

They were the enemy.

Hijikata sighed resignedly and scooped the ice-cold water out, splashing it over his face and neck. All he could do was wash the blood away and start again.

"You missed a spot."

Hijikata didn't bother turning around, he wasn't sure he was up to dealing with the perky tensai.

"Maa... so grumpy, Hijikata-san." Souji came up to stand a few feet away. He leaned his back casually against the well, one finger tapping thoughtfully on his flushed cheek. "If you liked her so much, you didn't have to kill her, ne?"

Hijikata frowned. Of course he had to kill her. It hardly mattered how he felt. She was with the people who were trying to kill him, had Souji forgotten that? But instead of voicing out his thoughts, he remained silent. If Souji wanted to talk, all Hijikata had to do was continue his wash in silence and the tensai would go on.

"It's going to rain again, you know. You could just stand here and wait." Souji moved closer and scooped up one handful of water. Then he poured it over a spot that Hijikata had missed and rubbed gently. Hijikata shivered at the contact and he closed his eyes tightly to control his body's reaction to the younger man's touch.

"Hijikata-san?"

"What is it, Souji? I know you're not here to help me bathe." Finally in control of himself, the Vice-Commander turned and gave the tensai a searching look.

"How mean." Souji pouted but didn't move away. "You looked so upset earlier, I thought you might want company. I guess I was wrong." But he made no move to leave.

"And why did you think I was upset?" Hijikata kept his gaze locked on the younger man.

Souji looked away, a slight frown on his face. "Omitsu was your recent favorite, wasn't she?"

"What does that matter?"

Souji shrugged but didn't look at him.

"Are you jealous?"

"Of a woman? You have got to be joking." He turned then and clasped a hand to his mouth, his eyes twinkling with mirth. "Oh, sorry, you don't joke. What was I thinking?" Souji laughed, his voice ringing out clearly in the silence of the night. Then as suddenly as he'd started, the tensai stopped and cocked his head to the side curiously. "Anou... ARE you upset?"

"Not about Omitsu, no." Hijikata turned back to his washing and left Souji to ponder on what he'd just said.

"Tetsu-kun, then?"

"Why would I be upset about that brat?" Hijikata growled and then gave a start when Souji scratched playfully at a drying bloodstain on his shoulder. He suppressed a shudder as he warned, "Souji...don't."

"Washing in the dark, you're bound to miss things, Hijikata-san. I am just helping." The younger man's voice was full of amusement, which told the Vice-Commander that Souji knew exactly what he was doing. Hijikata turned and grabbed Souji's wrist and then pulled the younger man flush against him. Souji's eyes widen in surprise when he was pressed up against Hijikata's hardening flesh.

"Unless you're prepared to get burn, Souji, I suggest you stop playing with fire." Oh, but he wanted to burn the body in front of him so badly, his aching flesh throbbed just thinking about it.

Souji blinked, his face suddenly sobered. "But you have so many women to take care of that for you, Hijikata-san."

"That's because you won't, Souji." He turned so that Souji was pinned against the well, and then Hijikata thrust his hip forward, letting the younger man know just how much he was needed. "Will you now?"

Souji stared back steadily, but Hijikata couldn't tell what the young man was thinking. "You've never had problems taking care of THAT, Hijikata-san. Regardless of whether I will or not."

Hijikata narrowed his eyes and peered closely into the unfathomable violet eyes. "It's not the same, Souji. It never was."

Souji laughed again but this time there was no mirth. "Maa, Hijikata-san, you've always had beautiful women flocking around you… ever since I was nine, I knew of them."

Hijikata frowned at the tensai. It wasn't like Souji to be so serious about his love life; the younger man had always known that they had meant nothing to him. Souji had always teased him mercilessly along with everyone else. Hijikata didn't understand how that could bother Souji, especially now that the tensai knew that Hijikata desired him.

"Where are they now, Souji?" Hijikata ran a hand up the younger man's body to clasp on Souji's long hair and pulled back firmly. Hijikata descended and began nuzzling the long curve of his captain's neck. "They are not here because I don't need them… I don't want them." Hijikata ground his hip forward again and this time, he could feel an answering hardness.

Souji moaned, a sound that went straight to Hijikata's groin. The Vice-Commander looked up, wanting a visual confirmation that Souji was really enjoying this. The young man opened his eyes when Hijikata stopped his assaults and then blinked up at his commander in confusion. Then Souji's eyes widened in shock and this time, they were tinted with fear. Hijikata sighed and moved back from the tensai. It appeared that he was destined to ache for this man for the rest of his life.

"Go to bed, Souji."

"I'm sorry, Hijikata-san."

"Go to bed," he repeated gruffly and went back to the water basin. Then he felt cool droplets of water on his back and looked up to see that it was raining. He sighed again and then turned to the wide-eyed Souji.

"You'll get wet, if you don't hurry."

Souji nodded but didn't move. He was still staring at Hijikata, his expression filled with mixed emotions. "I want to... I really do."

"Then you should hurry."

Souji shook his head. "You know what I meant."

Hijikata reached up and caressed Souji's cheek gently. "Somehow, it helps to know that you want it too. Not much but my... heart is glad."

Souji nuzzled the hand briefly before he turned and ran across the courtyard to his room. Hijikata watched the young man disappear around the corner and then looked up at the dark sky accusingly. It really wasn't fair. Why did it have to be Souji? Why couldn't one of those Choushu villains have consumption? Why couldn't they be the one that was dying? Souji was so full of life... Given their line of work, they probably wouldn't have much time together anyway, but was it fair to make Souji sick as well?

Hijikata dumped the rest of the water on the ground and began pulling up his yukata. He picked up the towel he had put on the well and slung that over his shoulder; what's the point of drying when he would just get wet again?

_

* * *

__Next morning…_

"It's not my business," Hijikata mumbled irritably and ducked under his cover. He was not going out in the rain. He was not going to allow Souji to talk him into taking in another stray. That idiot pig Saizou was bad enough, but not Ichimura too!

"Hijikata-san!" Souji's voice was suddenly by his back and the young man leaned over his body to pull down the covers hiding his commander's face. "You're so mean!" Souji pouted. "He could end up very sick. How would you feel then?"

Hijikata groaned. That firm body pressing up against him was bad enough, but now Souji had to add the element of guilt to the mix.

"I'd feel just fine!" Hijikata grumbled, but he sat up anyway. Well… of course he wouldn't feel fine, but he had an image to uphold, damn it.

"Liar." Souji knelt behind him, began tidying Hijikata's long hair, and then tied it up neatly. "Thank you, Hijikata-san," he whispered softly before placing a tender kiss at the base of Hijikata's neck.

Hijikata sighed. Was there EVER a time when he could deny Souji anything?

"Let's go," he said gruffly as he got up, then he pulled the unresisting Souji into his arms. He closed his eyes and allowed a brief moment to drink in this incredibly joyful feeling of holding this man.

A feeling that he would carry with him to the end of his days.

– chapter end –

**

* * *

**

**Note:** Consumption is an old name for Tuberculosis. Apparently, in the old days, the disease was thought to consume the patient from the inside, making them cough up blood. Yikes...

There is a popular belief that Kondou and Hijikata found out about Souji's illness during the Ikeda-ya affair (episode 22 or so) and it may be true, but in the anime PMK, there are a couple of indications that Hijikata may know of it well before that. Souji said that Hijikata would have been angry with him had he ran races in episode 6. Good reasoning could be that he knew Souji wasn't supposed to exert himself.

Another one is the medicine he asked the Ichimura brothers to get, it's for coughs and fatigue… Hmmm…

I know he could have thought it was a cold… but come on! Why would he think that Souji might be coughing up blood in episode 23 if it was just a cold?


	2. Belonging

**Author's notes and warnings: **Souji Okita has been one of my favorite historical figures in the Japanese history – since I've seen him portrayed by Shinji Takeda in Gohatto Taboo. I've been wanting to write about him but couldn't find the time or the inspiration to do so.

And then I saw Peace Maker Kurogane. I have Sakusha to thank for this since she had recommended it highly. The anime, though not quite a history lesson, came close to the real events, even down to each character's role in history (um…aside from the creative additions) and I'm eternally grateful – being that I have great respect the real Souji Okita and the members of the Shinsengumi. I did quite a bit of research on the real man and the Shinsengumi and while I found a good many things, their record keeping at the time left much to be desired. So if I got some 'facts' screwed up somewhere, please advise me. I am eternally grateful!

Anou…I'm not sure about him dressing up like a girl though…and the pig is most questionable. ::sweatdrop::

In my earlier plans, I was adamant about keeping Souji heterosexual since he'd said he was straight in Gohatto Taboo (and appeared to be so in NHK Shinsengumi! A docu-drama series currently running) but when I saw Peace Maker…OMG… He is SOOOO with Hijikata and the Vice-Commander is so gorgeous! ::ahem:: And our resident Demon of the Shinsengumi is another fascinating character…

This chapter was supposed to be part of that 'kinky first line' drabble thing that ran rampant on my Live Journal but there were just too many things between them that I couldn't…

**Chapter setting:** after episode 7 where Souji took Hijikata to town so the man could buy him candy.

This chapter betaed by a great friend – Xellas. ::hugs:: Thank you.

Special thanks to Maguscrowley, Sakusha and Yammy for reviewing the previous chapter. I'm very happy that you like the story. As for the research…that's my passion, no da! ::hugs::

**Disclaimer**: If the Shinsengumi were mine…I would be in a lot of trouble seeing how they met their ends…so, no.

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**Makoto** - Belonging 

By Moonraven

-

_"Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time."_

Hijikata didn't think he'd heard it right but the mischievous glint in Souji's eyes was unmistakable. The much-feared Vice-Commander of the renowned Shinsengumi promptly choked on his tea and the hot contents of the cup sloshed onto his lap.

"Ah! Hot! Hot! Hot!"

Souji doubled over in a fit of laughter as Hijikata struggled to keep the very hot, soaking robe from sticking to his legs.

"That is NOT funny, Souji! What the hell are you thinking?" Hijikata growled at the youth gasping for breath next to him.

"You looked so serious, Hijikata-san! I had to get your attention somehow," Souji managed to say between fits of laughter while practically rolling on the floor of the Vice-Commander's room. "You should have seen your face!"

Hijikata glared the nearly patented 'Demon's Glare' at the tensai to no avail; Souji was quite immune to all of Hijikata's threats.

Still glaring, Hijikata got up and went to the cupboard and took out a fresh yukata. "Ahou,' he mumbled, knowing full well that he couldn't stay mad at Souji for long. He didn't think anyone could.

"What were you thinking anyway, Hijikata-san? Your face was SO serious." Souji was back to sitting primly in the middle of the floor again, his expression suddenly somber.

Hijikata paused briefly while tying the sash around his waist. His back was still turned to the young tensai and he took this time to carefully think about what he would say. What had gone wrong with their lives? Why did Souji feel that Hijikata had made a mistake in training him?

"Hijikata-san?" Souji's tone now sounded worried.

"Souji…" Hijikata had never liked it when Souji turned serious. The young man was meant to laugh and…frolic – a term Kat-chan had used when describing Souji, which the Vice-Commander had to agree was quite fitting. A serious Souji meant a deadly Souji.

"Maa, we can sit here and call each other's names all day, Hijikata-san… But tell me. What's wrong? Are you still worried about Tetsu-kun getting a sword?"

"No, but I was thinking about something you'd said earlier…about a mistake I'd made," Hijikata said quietly, without turning around.

The silence in the room was truly deafening. He'd heard that expression many times but he'd never really experienced it. Being on a compound with over a hundred men certainly reduced the chances of experiencing 'silence', but being in the constant company of Souji – and now his new page, Tetsunosuke – had reduced the likelihood even more.

Hijikata sighed and turned to face the tensai who was dubbed, 'the demon's child'. He wondered briefly if that had anything to do with the men calling HIM the demon. Of course Souji wasn't his child but Hijikata was one of the people responsible for training him. One of the people responsible for making him the feared warrior he was today.

Souji wasn't looking at him. He was looking out into the courtyard, the tea temporarily forgotten.

"Souji."

The tensai turned and gave him a brilliant smile…that didn't quite reach his beautiful eyes. "No wonder the men think you're an old man. You think too much, Hijikata-san."

"I don't care what the men think," he growled. "I care what YOU think. Why did you say that I'd made a mistake with you?"

Souji's intense violet eyes bore into him. Hijikata knew that look; had seen it in the tensai's eyes numerous times before. But mostly in the past, the people on the receiving end of that piercing look had ended up dead.

Hijikata kept his gaze level; even though he knew he was in no mortal danger, he knew enough about Souji to know that the young man was deadly serious.

But then Souji turned away abruptly and mumbled, "You don't like me this way."

Hijikata went over and knelt down next to the younger man. "Which way?" He asked but he had a good idea what Souji was talking about.

And the young tensai knew it. Souji turned and gave him a cold look that sent shivers up Hijikata's spine. "THIS way," Souji said evenly. And as suddenly as it appeared, the look was gone, replaced by confusion and fear. "You think you've created a monster and you regret it."

Souji uttered those words so quickly that it took Hijikata a few seconds to process them. By that time, the younger man had already risen to his feet and was trying to make a getaway.

Hijikata regained his wits enough to grab on to Souji's wrist and tug hard, making the young man squeal as he tumbled back down into Hijikata's arms.

"I don't think that and you are NOT a monster!" Hijikata growled into Souji's ear. "Nor are you a demon's child."

"I am when I'm out there," Souji said quietly. "I can't help it. It just…happens."

"Souji…" Hijikata turned the young man around to face him. Those violet eyes gazed up at him pleadingly, as if he could make all the hurt and pain go away.

"It's a survival skill and you're the best at it. It's how you stay alive. How you keep your men alive, as well as Japan herself." His hold on the young man tightened. "Do YOU think I'm a demon?"

Souji's eyes sparkled suspiciously but the tensai did not look away. Instead, he shook his head. "But you always scold me."

Hijikata's lips twitched slightly. "I…you get so intense; I'm afraid you'll get hurt."

Souji blinked and frowned. "Mou…not one of them here can hurt me, Hijikata-san. I'm hurt you think so poorly of my skills." The tensai pouted rather prettily.

"Baka." Hijikata shook him gently. "You shouldn't exert yourself when it's not necessary."

"Hijikata-san." Souji's voice was soft and trembling. And then, as though he'd just realized that he was still cradled in his commander's arms, Souji cleared his throat and tried to push away. "You'll get sick."

Hijikata frowned and shook his head. "I don't care."

"I do!" Souji pushed harder but Hijikata was stronger. "We've talked about this, Hijikata-san. We can't…" He shook his head vehemently while struggling to get away.

"We're not doing anything, baka." Hijikata chided gently and loosened his hold. Souji sat up and adjusted his yukata, not looking at his commander.

"So…if you're alright with me the way I am, why won't you give Tetsu-kun his swords?" Souji asked, his eyes once again twinkling merrily as he prepared for a row.

Hijikata sighed. "You're not alright with the way you are, Souji. Nor would he be."

Souji blinked at him. "But if you're happy with me, that's all that matters, Hijikata-san."

"Souji…"

The young man smiled. "You're a demon and I'm his child…I'm content, Hijikata-san. Are you?"

The Vice-Commander glared. "No, ahou! I may be a demon but I certainly don't want you to be my child! Something else, definitely, but not my child!"

Souji laughed and waved his hand airily. "But I'm yours, isn't that all that matters?"

Hijikata caught the hand and brought it to his lips. He wasn't an affectionate man and it was rare that he would display any gentler emotions but Souji had always been able to bring this side of him out. "Mine."

The intense violet eyes flared heatedly. "Always."

---- chapter end ----

**More notes:** I'm not sure how accurate this 'Hijikata trained Souji' thing is…sure he's older – by about 9 years and his best friend is Kondou, who ran the Shieiken dojo but historical notes did not mentioned Hijikata as one of Souji's instructors although older students most likely did help in teaching younger ones.

It was more likely, however, for Hijikata to be trained BY Souji, as was the case in NHK's version of Shinsengumi. It is even MORE likely, as pointed out by Enma-O on my LJ, that Hijikata didn't train Souji at all but may have been a great influence in some way. The anime, on the other hand, took liberties and I'm going along with it since it makes a much prettier story. Yeh for fanfiction!

I have not read the manga and not sure if there are further explanations to Souji's comments. This story is from what I've seen of the anime.

When Hijikata used the name 'Kat-chan', he was referring to Kondou, whose given name was Katsugorou Miyakawa. He was adopted by the master of Shieiken dojo when he was 16 and it is widely believed that close childhood friends continued to call him by his given name


	3. Reasons

**Author's notes and warnings: **

Set in the last episode (24) after everyone has left the injured Souji and the watchful Hijikata alone in the tensai's room.

Although this is set in the last episode, I'm writing other stories that will be placed somewhere in the previous episodes. Since the chapters are independent of each other, it's not necessary to go in order I suppose…ne?

_Thank you Xellas M. for the beta work on this chapter. ::huggles::_

Usual disclaimer: Not mine and I'm taking liberties with history as well.

* * *

**Makoto **- Reasons 

By Moonraven

* * *

"Hidoi!" Souji whimpered and ducked under the covers. "Stop making scary faces at me, Hijikata-san!" 

"Baka!" Hijikata scowled and leaned over the prone man, his elbows on each side of Souji's head, his body trapping the younger man to the bed. "Why are you always saying things that make me think?"

Souji peeped over the blanket and blinked owlishly at his commander. "Eh?"

Hijikata made impatient noises and frowned. "You are NOT weak. Why did you say that? Why are you always saying stupid things like that out of the blue?"

"Oh…" Souji wiggled but couldn't get the big man off of him. "You're squishing me, Hijikata-san," the tensai protested from under the covers.

Hijikata pulled down the blanket and stared at the flushed face beneath him. "You're so strong…" His chest felt tight at the sight of the beautiful face and he abruptly pushed himself off the younger man. "I don't know anyone who can look death in the eye, yet still offers a smile to everyone he meets…"

Hijikata turned his back to Souji and put his face in his hands. He could once again feel the panic rising from the pit of his stomach at the thought of Souji dying. Last night after the raid, when he had found the tensai covered in blood, coughing, he had thought that his heart would explode out of his chest. He had thought he would surely die if something were to happen to Souji… The relief he had felt to find the young tensai safe was like a dam opening, flooding his senses with warm, tingly, giddy feelings. He had been so glad he hadn't cared that the men had seen him crushing Souji to his chest. He didn't care that they had seen what he'd considered to be a weakness… Souji was his strength and if the young man was gone…he had no reason to care.

"Hijikata-san."

Hijikata took deep breaths as he willed his mind and body under control. Souji was still recovering; there was no need to beat the tensai senseless. Not yet.

"I hate it when you put yourself down," he told the younger man quietly. "Don't do it again."

He could feel Souji staring at his back but he ignored the urge to turn and look into those expressive violet eyes. If he did, he wouldn't be able to think about inflicting pain.

"Ne, Hijikata-san." Souji's voice was quiet and thoughtful. Hijikata turned to see him sitting up in bed, his eyes focused on his hands. "Tetsu-kun asked me some time ago why I picked up my sword...why I became strong. I couldn't tell him then, I was too…afraid." He tilted his head to the side, thinking. "Mou…I don't think I was afraid of what he would think of me…or you…" Souji paused and laughed, his young voice rang out a little nervously. "I think I was more afraid of what you'd do when you found out…" Souji turned and looked him right in the eyes.

"You see? I am weak. I picked up the sword so I could be with you." Souji's voice was low but the eyes that stared into Hijikata's were keen and piercing, like Souji's soul.

"I've had the biggest crush on you since I was nine," he told Hijikata with a small smile. "Maa, don't laugh yet," he protested when he saw the smile lifting the corners of Hijikata's mouth. "I knew you would laugh at me." Souji pouted.

"I'm not laughing," Hijikata told him with a genuine smile. "I'm happy."

Souji blushed and ducked his head. "Anyway…I'm weak because my reason for killing was so I could spend more time with you…make you proud. I did it for love…I think that sucks." Souji made a face and shook his head. "Nothing noble, like justice, or revenge, or anything like that."

"I've heard that love is very noble," Hijikata said softly as he turned back to the tensai. He gently pulled Souji from the bed and onto his lap as he cradled the injured young man. "Shall I say a few Haikus for you?"

Souji squealed and covered his ears, laughing. "No! I'm too sick to laugh. It hurts!"

"Ahou," Hijikata whispered as he nuzzled the slender neck. "I was furious when you let that runt read my poetry, you know."

Souji laughed again despite his protest of pain. "Maa…is that what they're called?"

"Brat," Hijikata growled, his face still buried in Souji's neck. "Only YOU were supposed to see them…no one else."

"And Kondou-san?"

"He never really read it. He knew I write things in there but I knew he wasn't interested in things like that."

"Oh, Hijikata-san." Souji wrapped his arms around the Vice-Commander and sighed. "I won't be here forever…you need to let someone else in."

"NO!"

Souji tensed up, ready to protest but Hijikata began sucking on his neck, making the tensai moan instead.

"Hijikata-san…we can't."

"I don't see why not." Hijikata murmured against the delicious flesh. "I don't care about your consumption, Souji, I never have. It doesn't change how I feel about you."

"Hijikata-san…" Souji sighed softly; his head tilting back instinctively, allowing the Vice-Commander to do more. "I'm responsible for so many deaths… I don't want to be yours as well."

"YOU are my only choice." _…in life and death._ That went unspoken but Hijikata hoped that Souji would understand him.

Souji must have, for he froze and when he looked down at Hijikata, his eyes were sparkling violet pools.

"We're warriors, Hijikata-san. Our deaths are meant to be in battles, not on a sick bed."

"Is that why you are so reckless every time you go out on patrol? So you can die in battle?"

Large eyes stared back at him, their expression suddenly shuttered. Hijikata's heart sank. He'd guessed, of course but now he was sure. He knew exactly who would be making patrol assignments from now on – him, so he could make sure that Souji was flanked by top swordsmen at all times.

"Don't be in such a hurry to leave me, Souji. We have so little time as it is."

Souji's expression softened and he leaned in to kiss Hijikata softly on the forehead. "I don't regret my choice in taking up fencing, Hijikata-san. I'm glad I've spent all the time I have with you. Are you still angry that I came along?"

"I wasn't angry. I was…worried." Hijikata ran a thumb across Souji's full lips. He was so beautiful.

Souji's eyes twinkled and laughter bubbled in his voice. "For me or for you guys?"

Hijikata couldn't help but laugh too. Souji's tricks were quite notorious and many of them had suffered immeasurably. "Both."

Souji pouted. "Mou…"

"But I'm glad you're here now," Hijikata told the tensai softly before he pulled Souji down and kissed him full on the lips.

Souji gasped and Hijikata plunged his tongue inside the young man's mouth. Souji tasted like tea and medicine but so did Hijikata. He found that he rather liked the taste.

Souji pushed at his chest and Hijikata reluctantly released the young man's lips.

"Are you insane?" Souji scolded, his eyes fierce. "I told you---"

"I love you."

Souji stared at him, his mouth hung open in surprise. Although he'd never said it before, Hijikata was sure Souji had known.

"I don't care, I love you," Hijikata said again.

"Hijikata-san…"

"Are you still in a lot of pain?" Hijikata lowered the younger man onto the mattress and hovered over him hesitantly.

"Are you asking me to exert myself?" The mischievous smile was back in place though uncertainly still shadowed Souji's eyes.

Hijikata smiled. "Just a little…but it wouldn't be a pointless or unnecessary effort."

"No…but it could kill you…"

"Maybe, but what a way to go," Hijikata said and covered Souji's lips again.

_- chapter end -_

* * *

**Note:** Um…when Souji asked at the end if Hijikata was asking Souji to exert himself, that's in reference to what Hijikata had said to him in 'Belonging'. 

Souji's reason for picking up the sword is based on the assumption that Hijikata was one of the people who trained him – so he was most likely at the dojo before Souji joined. The anime seems to hint at this so I'm going along with it even if reality may have been otherwise.

On another note, if we are to believe that Hijikata wasn't one of the people who trained Souji, we still know that he was Kondou's close friend and was most likely around the dojo quite often.


	4. Come What May

**Author's notes and warnings:** A side story to Makoto. Not quite a prequel but it could be read that way if you want. No tangible plot, I don't think…I just wanted to write a light piece for them since Makoto tend to be quite angsty. But after getting this back from my wonderful friend, Xellas, I was told it's not that light after all. :sweatdrops: Well…I tried.

**Summary:** 1It's Souji's 18th birthday and Hijikata was elected to take him to a whorehouse. Purely my insanity and has nothing whatsoever to do with history. :grins:

**Disclaimer:** Souji Okita and the rest ot the people mentioned here are not mine… :huge sigh:

**Warning:** Small sex scene involving Hijikata and a courtesan. Complete disregard for history, gomen…well, except for maybe the timeline. I think I'm pretty close.

_Special thanks to all my reviewers for taking the time to let me know what you think of Makoto. (Shin Sankai, Ling ling, Artoki, Little Myy, Senbi, Yuna, Yammy, Sakusha, Maguscrowley) :bows: Arigatou gozaimasu!

* * *

_

**Come What May**

by Moonraven

* * *

"**Nani?**"

Toshizou Hijikata wasn't the type of man that was prone to twitching but he was pretty sure that was exactly what his face was doing. Twitching.

"Come on, Toshi! He needs this and you're just the man for it," Isami Kondou, Hijikata's best friend and current master of the Shieiken dojo, encouraged. "Just one night. You might like it."

"**_NANI!_**" Hijikata felt more than just his face twitching. What the hell was his best friend suggesting?

"Maa, maa, Hijikata-kun, that's a great idea." Keisuke Yamanami, another so-called friend, smiled amiably as he nodded in agreement. "It's past the time for Souji to learn these things and I can't agree with Kondou-san more about who should teach him."

"How do we know he doesn't know it already?"

"Hijikata-kun, he spends ALL of his time with us or with those kids at the temple. Can you honestly think he's learning THAT…THERE? He certainly hasn't learned it here…" At this point, Yamanami stopped and looked around uncertainly. "He hasn't…has he?"

Kondou shook his head, looking appalled. "Toshi?" They both turned to Hijikata, eyebrows raised.

"NO!" What the hell kind of man did they think he was, anyway? Okay, so he would have LIKED to…but that wasn't the point, damn it!

And they couldn't have known that…could they?

They both nodded, satisfied. "Then that settles it." Yamanami was smiling infuriatingly again.

"But...but..." Hijikata couldn't even begin to form his reply; he had no idea what to say to begin with, let alone form coherent sentences. "Why me?" Two thoughts flashed across his mind: one was that they KNEW he harbored desires for Souji and were making fun of him. The other thought was, what made them think Souji would want HIM, Hijikata, to be the one to take his virginity?

Kondou and Yamanami nodded (they seem to be doing a whole lot of that lately, he thought grudgingly) to each other sagely and then both turned to him. Kondou smiled and said, "Toshi, who would be the best person to show him the prettiest girls at the Red Lily. I'm sure you know all of them by now and you know Souji. You can recommend the one that is best for him."

Girls…?

"Sou, sou." Yamanami nodded again eagerly. "Don't get him the aggressive one...he'll run. Maybe someone non-threatening - a beginner, that way they can learn together."

"If you know so much why don't YOU take him?" Hijikata asked, outraged. He was immensely relieved that they hadn't meant for him to...to…well, to actually be the person to 'break' Souji in, yet that feeling was suddenly eclipsed by another emotion completely. He was disappointed as well. He knew that he was undeniably excited at the thought of bedding Souji...it was a feeling that had crept over him slowly in the past year so two...but to actually have visualized it with the encouragements of his friends...and then have that taken away...

"No, no…that wouldn't do, Hijikata-kun. He's so much closer to you and would feel more comfortable if YOU were to go with him, ne?"

"Sou, sou," Kondou parroted Yamanami's earlier line. "It has to be you, Toshi."

"Well...how do you know Souji wants to go?" Hijikata was feeling slightly queasy. Screwing women was something he was good at and had done quite often, but to do so knowing that Souji was naked and being initiated into the wonderful world of sex...in the same building...and not by him...that didn't bode well for him at all.

Kondou looked thoughtful but Yamanami just smiled that frustratingly sweet smile at him. "Hijikata-kun! He's eighteen. He must at the least be curious if not downright DYING to have sex. I can't believe that YOU waited until you were eighteen?"

Hijikata glared at him. "I am not Souji. He seems...so young."

Kondou sighed. "I know Souji is a bit younger at heart than most kids his age but surely this is old enough even for Souji?"

Hijikata tried again. "Don't you remember the last time Harada took him to see a whore? Souji had nightmares for weeks! Good thing they didn't get a chance to do anything before he ran back home!"

"He was 13, and Harada was an idiot...still is," Yamanami replied smoothly, not even batting an eye at the insult to one of their close acquaintances. Then he suddenly looked thoughtful and turned to Kondou. "Mou, Kondou-san, was it the Red Lily? I wonder if the girl still works there."

Kondou looked up at the ceiling and tapped his finger on his chin. "Hmmm...I'll have to find out." He looked down at Hijikata and winked. "If she is, you might have to take him somewhere else, na, Toshi."

Hijikata groaned. There didn't seem to be anything else he could do to dissuade his friends. It seemed as if he would have to take Souji and leave him to someone else's care.

"Cheer up, Toshi. I've never seen you look so glum about visiting the women. If you keep this up, you'll scare Souji, na."

"Hai, hai." Hijikata sighed and reclined back on the tatami floor. For one brief moment - well, it wasn't very brief; he actually dwelled on it a while - he wished that Souji would have a really, really bad time.

* * *

"Maa, Hijikata-san. I don't want to go in."

They were in front of the Red Lily and Souji was looking doubtfully at the sign. Hijikata took a puff from his pipe and let out a long stream of smoke. He'd given his words to Kondou and he would carry out his promise, no matter how he felt.

"Think of it as another game, Souji. You always love new games."

Souji turned quizzical eyes on him. "But this one seems to make many women unhappy, Hijikata-san."

Hijikata glared at his young charge. "They are not unhappy and they get paid plenty for it, trust me."

"Not all of them. Kondou-san had to help you get out of some jams in the past; they didn't look happy to me."

"These aren't THOSE women. Besides, they were fine!"

Souji tilted his head to the side; one hand tugged absently on his long hair while the other tapped gently and thoughtfully on his cheek. "Mou...but that's not what Sakura-san said last week, ne? Oh, and Mika-san said that in addition to seppuku, people like you should first get castrated." Hijikata choked on the smoke and coughed in outrage, but Souji went on as if nothing happened. "Let's see...Yukiko-san said that you are a low life and the-"

"Souji..." Hijikata managed to grate out between painfully gritted teeth. "I get the picture. You don't need to recall all of my failed relationships-"

"Those were relationships?" Souji looked mildly surprise. "Kondou-san said they were disasters."

Hijikata glared some more but that didn't seem to affect the boy. "I'll have to have a word with your Kondou-san it seems. And I don't even remember half their names, how is it that you do?"

Souji pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Hmmm...I heard that some cultures believe that every time you have sex, you lose a part of you." He glanced sideways at Hijikata, his eyes twinkling mischievously and then shrugged. "Maybe that's where your memory went."

Hijikata suddenly felt a headache coming on. A very big one at that. He rubbed the spot between his eyes to relieve the pressure but it only seemed to be getting worse.

"Do I even WANT to know where you got this bit of information?"

"Ah...Gen-san had a very interesting conversation with Takeshi-san, you know the man who sells vegetables at the market—well, no, you wouldn't know. Anyway, Takeshi-san's daughter works as a maid at Edo castle and they get all kinds of fascinating people staying there-"

As Souji went on and on, Hijikata's headache went from mild to bad and then on to worse. He didn't wait for the young man to stop talking before he grabbed Souji's wrist and dragged him bodily into the Red Lily.

Kondou and Yamanami were definitely going to pay...big time!

* * *

Hijikata relished the eager body beneath him. The woman moaned and he flicked his tongue out again, lavishing the hardened nubs almost lazily. He'd always loved this…carnal activity - especially now, it allowed him to forget the disastrous couple of hours prior to this. THIS had always been his escape, be it from his family, friends or himself. It provided him with hours of pleasure and none of the strife his life seemed to have attracted.

The woman moaned again in appreciation as he moved lower, giving her navel the same treatment as her breasts. Most people thought that he was arrogant and selfish and only used the women for his pleasures alone. They were wrong. Not the arrogant part, he took full pride in that but because he WAS arrogant, the sounds these women made, the uncontrollable desire trembling through their bodies…the begging, even the clawing, these things fed his ego much more effectively than were he to just fuck them for his release alone. Che! Idiots…and they thought they knew him so well.

Hijikata took his time with the woman and by the time he slid his throbbing hardness into her, she was wailing for more.

"Hijikata-san."

Hijikata blinked; his pleasure-filled mind couldn't connect this particular voice with his current activity. He shook his head vigorously to rid it of the thought of Souji. Was that boy going to plague him now as well?

Hijikata thrust deeper, harder but he could still hear that voice calling to him. He closed his eyes and focused on the feel of his shaft moving in and out of the hot, wet sheath. Focus.

"Hijikata-san!"

At that point, the woman screamed. Hijikata opened his eyes and looked down at her quickly; that was not the scream of pleasure, it was one of fright.

The woman did look frightened and it took Hijikata an extra second to feel another presence in the room. Though he did not sense danger, Hijikata rolled off the courtesan and grabbed his sword, unsheathing it and pointed it towards the intruder in less than a heartbeat.

The woman squeaked at the sight of drawn sword and tried to scoot out of the way.

"Mou…" Souji pouted and scowled at Hijikata. Then he turned to the terrified young woman on the futon, waving his hands frantically in his attempt to calm her. "It's alright. I'm sorry. We won't be long. Please don't be frightened."

Souji was dressed as he had been when they had arrived at the Red Lily and he was sitting primly on folded legs next to Hijikata's futon. Hijikata blinked at the tensai and then blinked again.

"Souji!" Sheathing his sword, Hijikata got up, not bothering to cover up his nakedness and walked up to the young man to glare down at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Souji looked up sheepishly at him then his eyes widened at the sight of Hijikata's cock hanging in front of his face. "Waaa…at least put on some clothes, Hijikata-san." Souji looked away quickly and Hijikata wondered if that was a blush highlighting the younger man's cheeks.

Hijikata didn't move. "You know what I was doing and you still barged in so deal with it. Now, what the hell do you want?"

Souji didn't look pleased but after a few seconds, he turned and looked right into Hijikata's eyes. "I called several times from outside but you wouldn't acknowledge me. I had no choice."

Hijikata was well aware that his body was reacting to having Souji on his knees so close to his naked cock. How many nights had he dreamed about those soft lips enclosing around him…Oh, shit! Hijikata turned around abruptly. He did not need Souji to see the twitching and hardening of his flesh. THAT would truly be disastrous.

"We have trouble downstairs," Souji continued as Hijikata grabbed his yukata. "I thought you might be able to help them out."

"What kind of trouble?"

"Angry men with swords. I think it's more than a drunken brawl. Please come."

Hijikata frowned as he picked his sword up and slipped it into the sash at his waist. "Stay behind me."

"Mou, Hijikata-san. I TEACH kenjutsu!" Souji protested, but stayed behind him nonetheless.

"With a wooden sword," Hijikata pointed out.

"And beat you in our last match," Souji countered.

"With a wooden sword," Hijikata repeated.

Souji was silent and Hijikata smirked to himself. He could just see the boy pouting. He certainly felt the glare at the back of his head.

"I'm not a child."

"Tell me that AFTER you screw a woman. I'm willing to bet Kat-chan's dojo that you haven't done that tonight."

"How…do you know?"

Hijikata rolled his eyes. He paused in the middle of the stairs and turned to give Souji a knowing look. "Oh, please."

Even in the dim light, he saw the pink tint that colored the younger man's cheeks and had to restrain himself from grabbing Souji and pinning him to the wall. Aside from the fact that it would probably ruin their friendship, it was hardly the time or the place. He could already hear the commotion coming from the common room further down.

Hijikata sighed. "Tell you what, we're going to try and see if we can do this without anyone getting hurt. I do have unfinished business upstairs. If that doesn't work and trouble comes our way, I'm trusting you to watch my back."

Souji grinned and nodded eagerly. Hijikata had to fight another urge to grab the younger man. This night certainly hadn't turned out anywhere near what it was supposed to.

"Ready?" He asked the bubbling Souji who was still nodding vigorously. Hijikata laughed. "Let's go, then."

* * *

"Let me see that." Hijikata reached for Souji's arm but the younger man turned away.

"It's nothing."

"You're bleeding, Kat-chan's going to kill me." He tried again, encircling the smaller body with his arms.

"What? The great Toshizou Hijikata is afraid of someone?" Souji teased, his voice full of laughter as he turned around to face Hijikata. The older man froze. How many times had he envisioned this? Souji was in his arms, smiling up at him…

He shook his head quickly and took a step back. His body was already feeling the warmth that the thought brought on and that was not a good thing. Not now.

"Hmm…well, I was supposed to get you laid and instead I got you hurt…even Yamanami would have my head for this."

"What? Yamanami-san is in on this as well?" Souji was too busy being irritated to notice that Hijikata had taken a hold of his arm. "Mou, why is everyone interested in my love life?"

"What love life?" Hijikata asked absently as he bandaged the cut. "It's just sex."

Souji was silent for a long time and when he spoke again, his voice was quiet. "Speaking of which, isn't there someone waiting for you?"

Hijikata finished his ministration with a gentle pat before releasing the arm. He shrugged dismissively. "I've already paid so I'm sure she'll be just fine. Probably moved on to someone else."

"But…I interrupted you."

"Yeah, well…I seemed to have worked out my aggression on something else, ne?"

Souji looked up at him then, his gaze searching. But he didn't say anything and after a short silent moment, nodded and looked away. Hijikata didn't know what to make of that. Uncertainty was a feeling that he wasn't sure he cared for, so he quickly moved on.

"So, what did you and…er…what's her name do?"

"Midori-chan," Souji supplied smoothly. "We played cards."

Hijikata laughed and ruffled Souji's hair. Times like these helped to curb his desire for the young man. Souji was still very young deep inside despite his age. He felt like a pervert thinking sexual thoughts about the tensai.

"Can we come back here again?" Souji looked up at him hopefully.

Hijikata stared at the upturned face. "What…why? You've decided that you prefer sex to cards?"

Souji blinked at him, his eyes huge as saucers. "Hijikata-san! I want my candies back! Midori-chan won a lot from me, she's a formidable card player."

"You brought candies with you?" Of course he did. When was Souji without candies? Hijikata shook his head and smiled warmly at the younger man. "Yeah, Souji, we can come back. Whenever you want."

Souji grinned back and then they started back towards the Shieiken dojo. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Souji spoke, "Hijikata-san." His voice was soft and hesitant.

"Yes, Souji?" He glanced sideways at the young man but Souji was staring straight ahead.

"About…sex." Souji paused again, uncertain.

"Don't worry about it, Souji. If you want, I won't tell the others that you played cards."

Souji shook his head. "Thank you but it's not that. It's just…well…" He stopped and ducked his head, his long hair falling to cover his face. "You'll laugh."

Knowing Souji, he probably would but that was hardly the reassurance Souji needed.

"No, I won't."

Souji pushed his hair back and gave him a sidelong glance. Then he turned back to the path in front of them.

"I think…I would want it to be with the person I love." Souji's voice was so soft, had Hijikata not been prepared for it, he wasn't sure he would have heard.

Well, that was certainly funny to Hijikata since there's a large pool of money out there somewhere betting that Hijikata would never find love. But to a young sap like Souji, it was as serious as the bushido. Instead, Hijikata said, "I think I'd want that for you, too."

Souji turned and gave him a strange look that Hijikata interpret as disbelief. "What? You don't think I want you to be happy?"

Souji smiled. "I know you do, Hijikata-san. Thank you."

They walked the rest of the way in silence and when they reached the dojo, Souji turned and gave him teasing smile, his eyes twinkling in the clear moonlit night.

"Tonight was…a unique gift for my birthday, Hijikata-san. Thank you."

Hijikata smiled back; it was hard to do otherwise when faced with a playful Souji. "Wait until you turn nineteen and see what we have planned for you then."

Souji pretended to look scared. "Not going to send me off to join some rebellious causes, I hope?"

Hijikata looked thoughtful for a second then grunted. "Sounds good, those foreigners do need to go home but not without me, ne, Souji. Someone's got to be there to keep you out of trouble."

Souji rolled his eyes and then sighed. "Well, as long as we're together, I think we could take on anything!"

A warm fluttery feeling flooded Hijikata's chest at those words. Together…

He ruffled Souji's hair again affectionately. "Yeah, Souji. Together." And as he said it, Hijikata realized that it was a promise to himself as well as to Souji. They would be together in any capacity that Souji would allow…he could not imagine existence without this lively young man by his side.

They would be together.

Come what may…

- chapter end -

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**Note: **

Most historical notes placed Souji's birth year at 1844. Let's see…that makes 1862 the year Souji turned 18. The next year would be 1863 (duh!)…the year they joined the Roushigumi bounded for Kyoto where they later became the Shinsengumi. I'm not sure where the idea that Souji was 15 when he became captain of the first squad came from…he was at least 19 if not 20 when the formal Shinsengumi was finally formed. He did look awfully young in the Kenshin OVA, though. :shakes head:

Shieiken dojo is where Isami Kondou (and his adopted father before him) taught the sword style Tennen Rishin Ryu. It was also a common practice for students (and friends) to practically live at the dojo, hence you see them going back there at the end of the chapter.

About Harada taking Souji to the whorehouse… Poor Sanosuke, I do pick on him but historically, they may not have met until a couple of years later.

Thank you for reading!


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